The Return

strange
that having loved,
and having battered,
and having hardened against its demands,
that love
once an instinct
at liberty, at home
is a stranger now,
how strange.


I marvel at the heart's forgetfulness
the side effects of resistance
I wonder at the mind's defensiveness
the consequences
of placing faith in fear

and the promise of love, rediscovered,
wavers and quickens my pulse
and then I walk away,
assuming the manner of the unaffected
who fear less and love with lower stakes.

how strange,
to love and not fear.
it doesn't suit me
I stand still
and wait for the stranger's pursuit 

Early warning.

melancholia and hot coffee.

dreams of being in love
with a man I know only in song,
and abandonment. 

reckless imaginings,
The Fall.

The extremities of ambivalence

Nostalgic for nothing definite.
More like a feeling, or a version of me I'll never be again
and yet always am.

Moments slip away and return in unexpected bursts
of memory that leave me breathless.

There is a universe inside of me,
and it is my own. 
I fight to let it out
while I reinforce its walls with whispers and rage

This is private

Beware of hungry hounds
and misappropriated affection
and remove your shoes and inhibitions
before entering.

This is a warning, this is a welcome
this is home.